I am in such a good place right now as a mother. There was a time when I was far from it. I had the girls pretty close together and suffered some major postpartum depression after I had Emma. It wasn't like I was going to hurt my kids or anything like that, but just a hollow emptiness & zombie-like aura, crying all the time, not able to cope with the smallest amount of stress, etc. I basically was not myself at all. It was so confusing because everything in my life was going great & I should've been happy by all means. My dad is actually the one who convinced me to talk to my doctor & get some help. It was really hard for me & I felt embarrassed & uncomfortable, but it turned out to be the best thing for me. I know some of you have had similar experiences because I have heard you talk about it. Thank you for all your love, support, & stories of inspiration, it means a lot to me (especially Dan). I love how things are now & I don't regret having the girls so close because now it is awesome & I wouldn't change it one bit! I am terrified to have another baby though & don't feel quite ready yet. I will give it another year or two probably. It's funny because I love being pregnant & I actually think laboor & delivery is cool & exciting! It's the sleep deprivation of the 1st year that really gets me. Anyway, I just felt like sharing this :)
5 comments:
I didn't know you suffered from Postpartum depression. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think it helps everyone to know they're not alone, and they're not bad moms either. I'm so happy for you--that you've found your place. It is hard to be a mom of young kids, especially close together. It seems everytime I get into that "good place" I get pregnant again! I know it won't always be like that, but sure seems like it. You're an example to me. Sorry for the way long comment!
Because of my daily dose of Prozac, I met my super wonderfully nice boyfriend, David.
Plus, I think there is really a big difference between insanity and sanity, meaning when you look out the window, do you feel like everything is well with the world or do you feel like the walls are caving in. The latter is what depression feels like and you think everyone else has it too. Even though you can live a normal, happy, productive life. Also, depression kills your body, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I gained 50 lbs. from depression. Now I am losing. I am so proud of you for putting your health #1.
You are great and I know when the time is right you can think of baby #3, plus hopefully I will be there in UT to help out!! I can't believe my mom had 8 kids Wow!
Thanks for being so "real". It is nice to know that us mothers are not alone in our feelings. It is not always easy as sometimes it is portrayed to be.
I can finally say that I am loving every second of my boys, but it sure was hard for so long.
Michelle, you are a great mother and your girls are adorable.
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